I never want to fall in love again!

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Sooo....now that my title has peaked your curiosity, let me explain.


You heard [ahem, I mean read] me correctly....I NEVER WANT TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN! I have been there and done that and I'm telling you, it's no good.


Let's think about this for a second....
I don't want to FALL down the stairs.
I don't want to trip and FALL on my own feet, or over a dog, or into a bush, or into the mud, or really FALL into or over anything! So why on earth would I want to FALL in love? I associate this action with something bad, painful, unexpected, scary. It can turn into a bad memory that you just can't get rid of and it almost always always ends in a scar, or at least a bleeding scrape. Besides, people always talk about how they just fell out of love. 


When I love someone, I want them to love me back [they may not always like me, but that's a different story for another time]. I don't want someone to turn to me one day, just out of the blue and say, "I just fell out of love with you." or "You just don't cut it anymore." or "I know I said I would love you forever, but I just changed my mind." All of these things have been said to me before and I'm telling you....IT HURTS!


MAN!


I fell....HARD! And it stung like fire for what seemed like forever. No amount of encouragement or kind words from anyone else could fix it. And sometimes, when I think back to those words I can still feel that pain that cuts me right to the core. My mom once said, "That it's like watching your child in a train wreck." Some days I thought a train wreck would have been easier. But here is the real kicker, I didn't learn my lesson the first time. I don't know why, but I just kept falling and each time I fell it was a little harder to get back up and stand on my own two feet again. 


BUT FINALLY FINALLY... I MADE IT! Well actually...me and God made it. Although I had a ton of encouraging people cheered me on, I had to make the decision! I CHOSE!


Which brings me to the point of all this...I chose God! Some days it is still tough, because my human nature likes to dig up my past, but God is remaking me. He has removed the person who kept pushing me down and I can finally breathe without having to wonder if I'm adding up. 


So from now on, the next person I love is going to the person that I CHOSE to love. The person that God CHOOSES to have love me back. I don't want to fall, I want to CHOOSE! You can choose whether or not you are going to have God be Lord of your life, you don't fall into Him! Choosing sounds much safer and when it comes to my heart, I want someone who is going to keep it safe. 


So GOD! Choose for me, because I'm tired of falling!




--Hanna